I have been best friends with my soulmate Jose, for nearly seven years. We met in our sophomore year of college and have truly been inseparable. My family is warm to Jose, my friends love him and I really love the friend and brother he has been to me for so long. I thought that there was a chance that we would be together, and I feel like I’m weird for this, because who hooks up with their ‘bro’?
Recently, Jose and I were intimate. 5 weeks ago, exactly. Since then, things seem to have taken a turn for the worse. We talked two weeks after – the longest time that we’d ever gone without speaking; and dryly he explained to me that he didn’t want to lead me on — because he was not only sure that he didn’t love me in that way; but he wasn’t sure what his sexual preference was anymore. He told me that he went all the way with me to help him make his final decision, and he still hasn’t come to grips with himself one way or the other.
I don’t want to judge him. For the last 7 years, he hasn’t shown any clues that he may not be interested in women only. Why would a guy want to sleep with a girl — if he has thoughts about men? I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around this and have chosen to not really speak to him – about this or at all, because I am nearly sick that he slept with me while he was struggling with this! I would never. I just wouldn’t.
I don’t want to cut him off, but feel like I may be doing that with my subconscious actions.
I’m very frustrated about this.